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Goals to Help You Overcome Grief
Article by Camille Johnson info@bereaver.com
NOTE: There are links in this article to outside websites that may include services for a fee. Hopwood Counseling & Consulting, LLC is not connected with any of these services and does not benefit from any clicks or use of the services on these outside sites. A link in this article is not an endorsement of any outside website or service and no websites or services have been evaluated for efficacy in treating or relieving any mental or emotional challenges someone is facing. The links are provided by the author as illustrations to broaden the understanding of the reader about what the author is speaking about. No one is required to click on any link. The article and information are sufficient alone. The article has been reviewed and approved by Ruben Hopwood, PhD, MDiv, HSP.
Grief is an intense emotional response to loss of something deeply meaningful in your life, whether a person, a pet, a possession, a community or location, or something else entirely. Grief and loss are personal and universal experiences. When you experience grief, you may feel like life has fallen apart and nothing can help. However, grieving is a process more than an event and grief can feel stronger, or cumulative, as you experience more than one loss across a lifetime. The phases of the grieving process are often classified as shock or numbness, bargaining or guilt, anger or rage, depression, and acceptance. These phases are not linear, and you may not experience them all or in a particular order. The good news is that grief is not something that lasts forever. It may come and go in waves across time, but there are healthy goals you can set to integrate losses into your life and keep living and growing without feeling like your life has ended. This guide may help spark some ideas.
Listen to Uplifting and Soothing Music
Music can be wonderful therapy. When you’re grieving, try listening to music that is uplifting and soothing to your soul in a positive and comforting; stay away from anything that drags you down into negative thoughts, hopelessness, and despair. Remember, you’re dealing with a lot of different emotions right now. It is okay to feel the emotions and to not feel “okay.” Music can help you soothe and acknowledge those emotions with its sounds and vibrations and with memories that it helps you reflect upon. Don’t be afraid to try new music during this time.
Write in a Journal
For many people experiencing grief, it is helpful to write down or draw and sketch out images of what they are feeling. Consider keeping a journal of words and/or images about your daily thoughts and how you feel about the event or loss that you are grieving.
You may find writing or drawing in a journal to be very therapeutic. It can give you a new perspective on the emotions you are experiencing, thereby helping you process the pain and integrate the feelings in ways that they are more manageable and less overwhelming.
Take up Meditation
Mindfulness meditation can help relieve stress and promote psychological wellbeing by teaching people how to be present and aware of, or to focus on the present moment instead of worrying about past mistakes or future opportunities that may not develop. Mindfulness meditation practices can help you be with yourself and others in the moment and may help you experience and accept the feelings that are present without needing to “fix” them or ignore them.
Similar to journaling, meditation can help you sort through your emotions so that you can better deal with what you are going through.
Use Your Support System
One of the most important things you can do when grieving is to lean on your support system. Family, friends, and for some people religious or spiritual communities, are often the first place people turn to during difficult times and for good reason. They are there to offer you a listening ear, a helping hand, or just some comforting words. You may get needed support by telling even one other person what you are managing. Many people wait for someone to ask for support before they offer it. You do not have to go through loss and grief alone. Talk to someone in your support system about what you are feeling.
Read
At times those around you may want to help you rush through grief and be “okay” faster than you are able to integrate the experience of loss. For some people, reading books may help to process the feelings of loss and grief at a pace that works for their own needs. Reflecting on the experiences and knowing that you are not the only one who has felt this way or had to cope with grief can be comforting and offer ways to understand what you are experiencing. Not feeling rushed to “get over” grief and move on can allow you time to heal and move back into your changed life in a way that is sustainable and healthy.
Reengage with Your Life
Grief is often caused by the loss of someone or something meaningful. Another way you can manage and integrate your loss and emotions is by learning, using creativity, and giving back to a community. Why not take this opportunity to learn a new craft, get a degree, start yoga, or volunteer and bring new purpose and meaning to your life?
It can be difficult to find the time for additional activities like school, skills-learning, and volunteering when you are dealing with grief and emotional pain. Look for flexible options such as online schools, or local activities that offer flexibility and a more comfortable learning environment with minimal added disruption to your daily life.
Online schools allow you to return to school without worrying about travel and childcare. Community learning courses offer short-term opportunities to learn crafts, hone creative skills, or take self-care classes like yoga. Local volunteer organizations may only need a one-time commitment to a single activity. These options have the added benefit of bringing something new and expressive into your life, building your connections to other people, and all without needing to relocate or incur significant expenses.
Sometimes a loss may bring with it the necessity or opportunity to change careers or move someplace new. Use caution if you are considering changing careers or moving during a period of intense grief. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it can complicate things and delay the process of integrating the loss into your life. Talk to trusted other people and speak with schools and/or professionals in whatever area you think might be what you want to explore. Explore what might be possible given your own work history, interests, and resources.
Grief is different for everyone, so take your time and find what works for you to process the feelings and integrate the loss into your life during this time. And if you need to speak to someone to help you manage and make sense of your grief, get in touch with a counselor or grief support groups in your area.
